Jesus Christ. 4 O'Clock in the fucking morning and I can't sleep. My fucking ears are killing me. It's from all your swearing!...Or, maybe from an ear infection. Either way, I'm fucked. Perhaps I should go get a shotgun, suck on the barrels, and pull the triggers. At least then my ears hurting wouldn't seem like that big of a problem.

Godfather 3 isn't as good as the other two. What were they thinking? "Well, let's throw together a sequal and make an easy $200 million." Sorta like Eminem and his shitty tour, huh? Haha, sleeping pills took that bitch down. I really do pity Marshall. It must be a tough life to have all that money and adoration. Damn, I bet he'd trade lives with me in a second. Maybe I should write him. My letter can go like this:

Hi,

My name is ...what..my name is...who..Andrew. OH MY GAWD! You are soooooooooooo cool. Like, listening to you and Linkin Park, I have an outlet for my teenage angst! Yeah, I totally have a go-go-gadget dick, too! I whip it out and cause tidal waves just like you! Before I listened to your music, I never did any drugs, never thought I was black, and I never killed my pregnant wife! My buddy, thanks to you, all three have changed! I beat that fucking bitch every night and now she's fucked up! Get it, Em?! You told me, too! I punched my father right in the fucking eye! Fucking hilarious! Yeah, I roll every night, too! I love synthetic emotion! Since you hint about your homosexuality in every song, I'd imagine you'd be willing to screw me, but I don't go that far! I'd rather slit Elton John's throat and slide my dick down in that opening than allowing him to preform fellatio upon moi! Sure you don't want to trade lives with me? The best of I, Andrew, is still to come! The best of you, Marshall Mathers, is five years in the past! Like you said, the drugs will catch up with you sooner or later, but fuck it, you're on some! HAHAHAHHA! You are such a fucking unbelievable father! Yes, you are! You mention your daughter in songs! In songs! Yes, songs! You freely profit from the image of being a good father! Behind scenes, you're still a drugged-out loser, but that's what us rap fans want! I love you, Eminem/Slim Shady/Marshall Mathers! Be my friend!!

Andrew Kelly/Big A/Awesomely Amazing Andrew!

Andrew.